


Cupid Ain't No Cherub

by lucdarling



Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-20
Updated: 2012-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-29 20:05:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/323635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucdarling/pseuds/lucdarling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint just wants his two best friends to be happy. He thinks they'd be good together, so Clint plays matchmaker and resolutely doesn't think about the parallels concerning his chosen weapon. (Hawkeye isn't Cupid, but he may watch too many romantic comedies.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cupid Ain't No Cherub

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written anonymously for [this prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/3266.html?thread=1002946#t1002946) on December 5, 2011.

**1\. Reconnaissance**  
“You've never thought about him? Really 'tasha?” Clint hummed happily as he finally sighted the target exiting the building. “I mean, Phil's a great guy. He's nice, probably doesn't kick small animals, he loves his Taser almost as much you love your Glock-” He stopped talking as he let go of the arrow and watched it fly into the neck of a man. The body neatly tipped over into an alleyway and Clint gave a fist pump.

“If he's so great,” Natasha spoke softly, “I suggest you stop mooning after him and go get him.”

Clint laughed in response, pulling another arrow from the quiver on his back and notching it on the bowstring. “As much as I joke, I'm not actually inclined that way.”

“Unless you're drunk.” Natasha cheerfully reminded him.

“I thought we agreed to not talk about that incident.” Clint ground out as she laughed. God, drinking that much had been a terrible decision. Just thinking about that night made him want to beat his head into the wall next to him. “I just want you,” he paused to shoot another two bodyguards and heard echoing fire in his ear as Natasha engaged the remaining three men on the ground. “to be happy.”

The woman scoffed in the sudden silence. Clint dismantled his bow and stood from the window, heading towards the door. “Think about it, okay?” He asked, walking down the hallway to meet his partner on the street.

  


 **2\. Planting the Idea**  
Clint propped his feet on the desk, left boot over the right in a perfect picture of nonchalance. Phil didn't even look up as he pushed them off.

“You know the rules, Agent Barton.”

Clint grinned at him. “Remind me again sir, what the handbook says about coworker fraternization?”

That question got Phil to put down his pen. “Nothing is explicitly stated, but please remember a condom. Unless you want to explain to the medical staff why you need a series of shots.”

Clint winced, he'd heard the rumors about Agent Terrack too. “No, no. I'm just thinking you're awfully lonely when you go home. And it's not like our job is easy to explain to civilians, nor would they understand our crazy-ass schedule, they'd probably get mighty annoyed with the lack of communication when we're in deep cover...” Clint ticked off the reasons on one hand. “Have you thought about someone closer to you?”

“I wish you'd stop propositioning me.” Phil sighed, picking up his pen again. “Eventually I'm going to have to put it on your record.”

Clint stood because his debriefing was over and he still needed to shower. “Wasn't talking about me.” He winked and strolled out of the room, whistling.

  


 **3\. Breakfast**  
This was going to be a delicate operation, Clint knew. Life as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent didn't yield much time for eating out. And granted, the diner down the street from Avengers HQ wasn't much of a date but it certainly beat Steve's attempts at cooking.

He lounged against the torn booth, sipping at his coffee. It was slightly too bitter, but it wasn't really for Clint anyhow. Natasha slid gracefully into the opposite seat, raising an eyebrow. Clint grinned at her and pushed his coffee over. The woman stared at him.

“What are you scheming now?” Natasha took a sip of his coffee, made the way she liked it with only one sugar. Clint pouted exaggeratedly and she rolled her eyes.

“Absolutely nothing, my dearest friend.” Natasha's lips thinned at his reply as the bell above the door tinkled and Phil walked in. The older man made to walk over to his usual booth and hesitated only slightly between steps when he saw his two agents already sitting there.

Clint's grin was probably more than smug at this point and he knew it. “Morning, Phil.” He called out. Natasha narrowed her eyes but wrapped a hand around the handle of Clint's mug when he made to take it back. Phil looked between the two of them and gave up whatever silent mental argument he was having with himself, taking the open seat next to Clint.

The waitress delivered two steaming cups of fresh coffee because she had perfect timing. Clint winked at her in thanks. He made small talk with the other two at the table before excusing himself to the bathroom.

Clint ducked around the edge of the counter and hung around by the kitchen door. He wrapped a hand around the waitress' wrist right before she entered the swinging doors.

“Hey, can you do me a huge favor?” Clint grinned at her and she shook her head. “Okay, I want you to deliver a plate of french toast with strawberries to the woman,” he reached in his back pocket as he spoke, pulling out some cash. “and a plate of slightly undercooked waffles to the gentleman.” Clint wrinkled his nose as she wrote the order on her notepad. “Dude's weird, liking to eat half-baked things but whatever.” He pressed the wad of bills into her hand and winked again. “If they ask, just tell 'em I had an errand, okay?” The girl nodded, looking excited.

“Thanks so much Darla,” Clint read off her name tag. He brushed a thumb over her cheek as he tucked a flyaway wisp of brown hair behind her ear. “I really appreciate it.” He slipped out the back door as the girl pushed into the kitchen, slapping a ticket in front of the line cook.

  


 **4\. Technology**  
Clint dangled from the cable, flashlight clenched in his teeth. He carefully tucked the delay mechanism against the brake, looked at his watch and pressed a button. Then he reeled himself up and went to spar with Natasha in the gym.

Two hours later, Clint waved Natasha onto the elevator, knowing full well that Coulson's schedule had him leaving the office in a few minutes. It should guarantee the two were in the same car which would then get stuck between floors. Clint figured they could talk about their impromptu shared breakfast, maybe arrange another one. If they weren't sucking face in the small space. (So he watched too many romantic comedies.)

Clint winced at the loud screech of metal as the elevator stopped and pressed his ear to the doors to listen. Hopefully no one in S.H.I.E.L.D. would investigate soon because it sounded like the two were talking.

  


 **5\. Basics**  
Clint grinned to himself, because this set up was obvious enough that even a blind man would catch on. Except he wasn't wearing diapers because he stopped that business when he was two, thank you very much.

Clint watched as his partner entered the conference room, checking his watch. He heard her frustrated groan when she didn't see him and she yelled at the ceiling. Well, that was always a safe bet if you didn't see him. He just wasn't in any of those particular ceiling panels.

His grin widened as he saw Phil walk down the hallway. Good, the agent had gotten his text. Clint waited for the perfect moment, raising the bow as Phil stepped into the room.

Clint shot two arrows in quick succession. They landed exactly over his two best friends' hearts, red suction cups ensuring they'd stick. The hearts on the end of the shaft were a nice touch, Clint admitted. Occasionally Stark had good ideas, not that Clint would ever say that to his face. Before Natasha could open her mouth to start swearing, Clint dropped down, twisted the lock from the outside and congratulated himself on a job well done.

He knew the lock wouldn't hold them for longer than a minute – Natasha always had lock picks hidden somewhere and he wouldn't be surprised to learn Phil was the same – but it would be a conversation starter. Now all he had to do was evade the both of them for a few hours while their anger wore off.

  


**+1. Success**   


Clint's eyes scanned the battlefield uneasily. He sincerely hoped that his partner wasn't inside the bank with the alien hostage-takers because he had yet to spy her slinking in the shadows. Captain and Iron Man stood outside the doors of the bank, the blond's arms crossed over his chest. Clint could listen to the argument in his ear comm, and of course Tony would want a flashy entrance. Steve was firm in his resolve to at least attempt to protect the casualties; they all knew once the Hulk or Thor made their moves it would be a little difficult.

His eye was drawn to movement on the far left edge of the cordoned off street. A familiar black car pulled up and Clint watched as Coulson exited the driver side door. He wasn't expecting the passenger door to open in the next moment, and could only watch from his perch as a lithe figure slid out and started to run towards the other Avengers.

“Good to see you, Black Widow.” The Captain's voice was calm over the earbud.

“Yeah, glad you decided to join us,” Iron Man snarked. Before Clint could add his two cents, the woman brushed past all of them and ducked into the alley. There were the usual sounds of fighting in the next minute and the electric crackle of the Black Widow's stings being deployed over the comms. Clint held his breath because there was nothing he could do to help her from his vantage point. Tony's repulsors whined as they charged up.

“Guess we're doing this your way,” Captain America conceded and nodded his head. Thor's hammer swung and shattered the glass windows on the first floor of the building. Clint watched the team move forward and climb through the hole. His attention was caught by a burst of movement from the alleyway – his partner was leading a group of hostages out the back door and Clint felt oddly proud in that moment. Who says assassins always had to kill? Of course, that thought was nullified when Tony's voice came over the comms. “Black Widow, did you have to kill all of them? Was that really necessary?”

The woman's voice was cool in response. “They interrupted my date. I was feeling a little vengeful.”

Clint disguised his whooping cheer into a hasty cough. By the look his partner shot him from the ground, he wasn't sure he was as successful as he'd hoped but that was all right. Her retribution for him playing matchmaker would likely mean Clint would be wearing bruises for the next week at least, but it was totally worth it.


End file.
